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Sobriety


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Tomorrow will be my first day of sobriety. Yes I have Medicane to help me with it and councilors and people by my side. It's never been hidden from anyone but growing up I was always around drugs, never figured I'd find myself in a place where I'd have to risk my life everyday to support my habit and become a dealer. I am now going thru so many legal troubles I'm forced to stop doing what I do and before money becomes a problem I'm going to put my foot forward and put my foot on the brake as hard and as fast as I can. I haven't attempted to be sober in 4 years. I'm going to be struggling and all prayers and wishes will be thought of, goodluck to me. If I'm not online tomorrow etc, I'm dopesick but thinking of you guys. My goal in the next month or two is 1- get sober 2- go to the gym 3- get a real job.

This is more serious than you can think and I hope it's alright to post this. 

Some of you may ask why I'm posting this.. reason being is because roatpkz has been my outlet in life for many years, let alone.. I have noone irl. Goodluck to me,  all prayers accepted. 

Thanks.

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I know what you're moving through i've had something serious with something similar but thanks to god i've suffered enough and things will just get easier with the time ahead and you'll be just okay as a new recovered young man , trust me , good luck g 

Edited by Chef
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20 minutes ago, Chef said:

I know what you're moving through i've had something serious coming up with nearly the same exact problem but thanks to god i've suffered enough and things will just get easier with the time ahead and you'll be just okay as a new recovered young man , trust me , good luck g you gonna need it.

much appreciated.

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Smoked hash & weed for way over 10 years

Done cocaine & taken painkillers for over 6 years

Done LSD over 300 times, ate shrooms over 20 times. Done DMT 4 times

Done Ecstasys over 20 times

Now to BENZOS/xanax, my biggest enemy. I’ve been on those bitches for years

and let’s not even start with lyricas and ketamine lmao… And it’s all just because I was too young when I started (11 years old. Started smoking hash before cigarettes (13) lmao). Not being able to deal with my feelings and emotion at such a low age. Having family in & out of jail, some killed. Friends killed as young as 15 yrs old. Trouble accepting death in general. Especially since I was a dedicated muslim as a VERY young kid. But after serching for God for so long, I found myself. I am God. 

 

It all started with me not being able to continue smoking hash & weed cuz the school I went to as a kid did frequent urine tests, every monday. So I went over to bigger and worse drugs. In many situations I’ve caught myself not being able to get high off anything anymore. I just did it to feel ”normal”. I’ve spent probably 100s of thousands of dollars on drugs I think lmao

we’re addicts. Will never stop being addicts. Even sex gotta be the closest to r4p3 (with consent :)) to get the ”high”. Or even ROAT PKZ, I always end up gambling my PKP, which is why I quit

 

The key is to get hooked on something else and always keeping your mind busy with activities. I train MMA & no-gi 6 days a week now for the past 2 years. Did muay thai and BJJ A WHOLE LOT in my early teen years. I’ve always had a passion for fighting but it faded away along with criminality and drug/gambling abuse

Worst of all is the withdrawals you get when you quit. It can fuck you up bad, depending on the intensity of your addiction & what type of drug(s). You gotta be real careful

 

life is a game. Play it correct or it will play you. One second it feels like you got control over everything, you got the ball in your hands. Next thing you know you never had the ball in the first place

there are many ”you” in ”you” make sure they are alligned with eachother. Your biggest and strongest thought will pull your life towards it, like determine the direction

 

I’ve been in & out of jail for gun possesions, drug possesions, attempted murderS, robberieS and so much more and it all has the same roots

bad friends, bad environment, bad upbringing, criminal family, lonliness, ego, money, boredom ect

 

it’s VERY common that geniuses (like myself) lose interest in the external world after achieving everything we’ve ever wanted or after seeing all that we need to see (I’ve had a car for 100k, I’ve had a house for 300k both at the age of 19. Made my first $100k at almost 16 years of age). Talent and potential goes in the trash

 

I frequently found enough pieces of myself to function for a day maximum. Then I lost them again. Resulting in promising people around me that I’m gonna get myself and my shit fixed, and then the next day I dissapointed myself and wwhoever had trust in me

 

I can go on and on. I’ve been shot I’ve been stabbed, I can go on all day. I’ve done things to people which people would consider crimes against humanity/HORRIBLE. But much of it I cannot remember, and the rest of it I cannot feel. At the time my empathy along with many other POSITIVE emotions were GONE. And they still are. In this industry people calculate their steps because they have something to lose. I did not care if my family would get murdered, or my ”friends”, not ANYONE but myself. Today, I do care about my family. And that’s it. I’m still working on myself every single day.

 

I’ve been called a narcissist, I’ve been called a psychopath, but I’ve also been called an addict, which is the worst but most accurate thing I’ve been called. I’ve had many ego deaths on psychedelic drugs before. But like I’ve said many times before, it’s easy to fall back. Even if it’s at the back of your mind, or deep in your heart. Drugs can completely destroy and rip you off of your morals as well as other values but also your perspective on life. They also strip you from your ambitions

 

comfort is a drug. We don’t have to kill animals and cook them ourselves anymore, we just go to the store and buy food and get dopamine. We like to sit home all day play Roat Pkz win stakes, get kills, with food delivery IRL, smoking a joint or doing coke

 

get well brother. Get hooked on something else, something that benefits you & those you love. Life isn’t always good and death isn’t always bad. YOU CHOOSE. You control your own reality. DO NOT be a slave to your desires & needs. Conquer your mind, be your own hero, your own king, your own GOD. Be your own dad. Be independent, never depend on anyone or anything. Stay strong mate

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