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My name is krystof or in roatpkz jtir hunter/seekndestroy/lonewalker . I am a 17 year old fellow roatpkz player. This is a post I made to admit I have a toxicity problem. Ahead is a bit of a "life-story". This isn't a post to ask for pity as my life is easy compared to millions that are suffering today. I made this to show that I have a problem and am apologizing for it. I guarantee you a lot of toxic players are like me, they do not personally mean anything they say but are just conflicted inside. If you do not feel like reading it I completely understand, all I want you to know is: I'm sorry.

When I was young I got bullied at school . I was too young to remember that so it didn't have much of an impact at the time. so I stop going to a school when I was 14 At this school I never really figured out how to talk to people for a long while and when I finally did it was thanks to pretending to be someone I am not. Every day I would wear a fake guise to try and "please" those around me. On the inside I was dying. Around this time I had a testicular torsion. I had known about a pain in my lower regions for a while but due to my ever increasing introvertic nature I never told anyone. I became less and less fixated on my own troubles and was only worried about not bothering anyone else. This mistake would cost me as by the time a doctor examined me it was too late to fix the problem. I had to have my testicles surgically removed therefore leaving me without the ability to have children. Things like this and the bullying I got because of it led to a hole growing inside of me, yet I never removed my guise. I took to being the "class clown." People would and still do know me as energetic and cheerful. I only took to telling jokes to people to see them smile. It would give me a small sense of joy inside to see someone genuinely happy and do something I never genuinely did.... Smile. As the emptiness grew inside of me I still refused to recognize it and instead looked for another escape.

I tried to play video games as another escape from reality, as many people do today. Eventually I found a game called rsps about two years ago and fell in love with it. For the first time I felt a sense of being myself. While inside this game I was free from everything bothering me and could remove my guise. After a while of playing I dreamed of becoming a professional player and tried as hard as I could to practice. I made it from noob to pro in one year and felt like I could achieve my goal if I strived harder. Sadly around this year something happened.

The hole that was growing inside of me was huge. I look inside of myself today and cant figure out who I am. I lost all motivation to accomplish anything. My grades dropped, my health greatly decreased and I felt empty. Playing the game no longer felt like an escape it seemed to make things worse. I became so conflicted inside and yet vented my problems to Noone. This anger eventually would come to manifest itself in the in-game. While playing I couldn't look at my family face and recognize their humanity. I only saw words on a screen. Thus, this became where I vented my frustration.

Today I look at myself and see nothing but an empty husk. I lost track of reality and the guises I take on. I have no motivation to aspire to be anything, and have lost my ability to dream.

 

I am deeply and truly sorry for any harm I have caused to anyone. I try every day to just not type in game I try oh so very hard. I lay in bed every night staring at the ceiling saying things will be different tomorrow. But they never are. I haven't gotten any sleep for the past couple of weeks which only decreases my mental state. All of this amounts to the toxicity you see in game.

If you see me in game and I say anything that insults you, know that I do not mean it. I am truly sorry to anyone I have insulted in the past and please accept my apology hug: \;_;/

this letter write by jtir mom

@Yoobs @Smackd @Legend™ @Craig @Reducers @ism0kepurp @Terzey @tom @pyd

omg this is so embarrassing

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Don't be sorry, we understand brother. Just keep your head up and don't let anybody tell you your not somebody becuz you are. You should really embrace who you are and be grateful for your live.

 

What matters is not what's on the outside but the inside; try to remember to stay positive and don't be ashamed of anything and just be yourself.

 

Idk if that helps but that's my advice to you. I

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15 hours ago, Tanker H said:

Don't be sorry, we understand brother. Just keep your head up and don't let anybody tell you your not somebody becuz you are. You should really embrace who you are and be grateful for your live.

 

What matters is not what's on the outside but the inside; try to remember to stay positive and don't be ashamed of anything and just be yourself.

 

Idk if that helps but that's my advice to you. I

thank you for your advice i really appreciate it:$

 

Edited by jtir hunter

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So let's shorten this down. 

You lost your nuts, so you became mad at the world and started flaming ingame to try and make yourself feel better. 

#noballs

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HOLY SHIT I DIDN'T EVEN READ IT ALL THIS NIGGA HAS NO BALLS AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH

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:kappa::kappa::kappa: L0L0L0L0L0L0L0L0L0L0L0L0L0L:kappa::kappa::kappa:

I LITERALLY GOT TO ABOUT THE 3RD OR 4TH SENTENCE SPIT MY DRINK ALL OVER MY KEYBOARD THEN CAME TO REPLY L0L0L0L0L0L

4 hours ago, Craig said:

this is 100% cancerous

 

2 hours ago, Hatcx said:

This letter gave me crippling depression

 

5 hours ago, OrbitalV2 said:

Almost killed myself reading this

  L00L0L0L0L0L0 L0L0L0L 0L 0L0 L0 L0 L0 L0 L 0L 0L 0L 0L 0L 0 L0 L0 L0 L0 L0 L0 L 0L0 L0 L0 L 0L 0L 0L 0L 0L 0L 0L 0L 0L 0L 0L 0 L0L 0L 0L 0L 0L0L0L

 

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90% of this server couldn't understand that you're trying to be sincere and give a little bit of background on yourself to the community therefore leading up to an apology for past toxicity.

 

But, probably not a good idea to tell the server that you had to get your testicles removed.

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stop bumping this shit no one gives a fuck about your testicless scrotum and how you are bullied irl. The fact that you even posted this on an RSPS forums just shows why you get bullied irl. Did you expect positive feedback from all the very nice people in the Roat Pkz community ?? lmao

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On ‎10‎/‎25‎/‎2016 at 0:29 PM, Bone Time said:

stop bumping this shit no one gives a fuck about your testicless scrotum and how you are bullied irl. The fact that you even posted this on an RSPS forums just shows why you get bullied irl. Did you expect positive feedback from all the very nice people in the Roat Pkz community ?? lmao

no please dont speak like that

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Hiya, Idk you personally, but this took COURAGE. I am a girl, I get bullied and teased on this site for it, i rly dont mind, plz be above all this shit-chatter. If you're at all serious.

I'm very happy for you, you might not have testicles but you have balls. & all these people flamming you... I would comment on but I cant be biased bc idk what you have said to them.

WITH THAT SAID!

Those of which laugh, "lol" at your situation spend their lives on the net emptying their sac's to pictures/cardboard cut-outs of, Ariana Grande, they have low self esteem and will be phased by these words bc they know its true, probably do them some good self-reflection tho. 

Best Wishes.

#AlwaysHere2Talk #Xoxo

V

 

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6 hours ago, Looty said:

Hiya, Idk you personally, but this took COURAGE. I am a male, I get bullied and teased on this site for it, i rly dont mind, plz be above all this shit-chatter. If you're at all serious.

 

Didn't see that coming.

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On 10/27/2016 at 6:52 AM, Tom said:

what u sayin fam? @Gretar

PM ME IN GAME TOM ITS INSOYISGAY

 

title of this thread should be "reasons to kill my self in real life" faggot do it

On 10/24/2016 at 1:33 AM, jtir hunter said:

its okay man

 

 

guys please don't bully me im just trying to make a friends in rsps

yeah but in game u acting hard stfu

 

On 10/23/2016 at 7:05 PM, Reducers said:

Image result for didn't read gif

when your shitty clan falls apart don't come crawling to me

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15 hours ago, J J said:

I'm asking why aren't you mod yet again

i probably could be, if i grinded hours on roatz but i choose not to. sorry for the shots lol.

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You wrote this october 23rd. I don't see what the reason was behind making a big topic like this when you, yet to this day, flame like a squealing pig. 

And regarding your toxic-addictive obsession I only have one tip for you; namenly quit. That'd help our cancerous community alittle, and you'd go on rehab.

 

Good luck with your fake struggles and I hope you recieve a reality check as that's what you need now.

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Mate, this is roatpkz you've got like 4 options. Play the game yourself, join the SQUAD join the other squad, or make a squad of yourself. If you play long enough you'll know exactly what the fuck I mean that in-itself cures your depression. 

 

Now for my final piece of advice, niggas on here are ruthless we all are, to survive you need to be at a minimum level of no fucks. If per say @Yoobscame to your apartment irl to shank you, don't take it personal it'll never happen but hypothetically you'd earn more respect by him and everyone else by planning his assassination. The only things we respect are new levels of toxic behavior, if you raise the bar you are a legend for like 15 minutes until someone breaks your score then we tell you to go fuck yourself. It's like a tough love on the roatpkz dickterscale. 

Edited by Castial

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On 10/26/2016 at 11:01 PM, Looty said:

Hiya, Idk you personally, but this took COURAGE. I am a girl, I get bullied and teased on this site for it, i rly dont mind, plz be above all this shit-chatter. If you're at all serious.

I'm very happy for you, you might not have testicles but you have balls. & all these people flamming you... I would comment on but I cant be biased bc idk what you have said to them.

WITH THAT SAID!

Those of which laugh, "lol" at your situation spend their lives on the net emptying their sac's to pictures/cardboard cut-outs of, Ariana Grande, they have low self esteem and will be phased by these words bc they know its true, probably do them some good self-reflection tho. 

Best Wishes.

#AlwaysHere2Talk #Xoxo

V

 

Hey my queen Vanessa hhhh

Image result for kisses emoji

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53 minutes ago, Castial said:

Mate, this is roatpkz you've got like 4 options. Play the game yourself, join the SQUAD join the other squad, or make a squad of yourself. If you play long enough you'll know exactly what the fuck I mean that in-itself cures your depression. 

 

Now for my final piece of advice, niggas on here are ruthless we all are, to survive you need to be at a minimum level of no fucks. If per say @Yoobscame to your apartment irl to shank you, don't take it personal it'll never happen but hypothetically you'd earn more respect by him and everyone else by planning his assassination. The only things we respect are new levels of toxic behavior, if you raise the bar you are a legend for like 15 minutes until someone breaks your score then we tell you to go fuck yourself. It's like a tough love on the roatpkz dickterscale. 

You also need help irl oh my god

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:joy:

You left school at 14 because you were getting bullied while all you had to do was communicate with the school staff,you're just as worse as those mentally retarded idiots who commit suicide because they were being bullied.I mean you were 14 and you were already finding life hard while life hadn't even hit you yet L0L.You will probably commit suicide once you start living on your own.Idk why people even feel sorry for idiots like these lmao

Edited by ReDe$igned

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